There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
