i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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