pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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