My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
