i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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