I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
