Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
