The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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