If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
