If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
