i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
