well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
