were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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