If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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