I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
