my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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