i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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