I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
