I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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