I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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