put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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