some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He shit in the fireplace
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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