Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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