Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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