Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
