are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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