I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
