if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
