New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
