he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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