How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize