If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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