my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize