My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i drank out of a bidet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
