Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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