Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize