dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
