shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
