your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
