Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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