it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
