i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize