You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
