Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
