At least make sure they are 18
Why
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
