I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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