u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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