hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
