i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
