She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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