Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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