Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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