I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
