Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
