He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
