I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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