great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
