Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
