i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
