why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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