"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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