haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
and she was petting her beer can
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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