so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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