He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
