we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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