I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm having to shit out rocks
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