I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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