apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
