I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
