I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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