God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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