Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
