She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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