Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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