hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
