Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
