Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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