Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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