Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
