Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
