Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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