My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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