oh fat girl friday strikes again...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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