Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
