No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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