Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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