I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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