there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We are all done wearing pants today
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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