She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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