at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
