we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
