i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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