I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
