Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize