elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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