What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize