Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
