He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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