You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
